I've never cried so much in my entire life as I did this week, today. Even after finding out about dad's heart attack I felt calm, because there was a hope, there is a hope, that this will not happen again. This past week I cried everyday. I came to this wierd state... that I'm even unable to describe with words. And I thought it'd be better as time goes by... but it's not. Today is worse than ever. All of my thoughts and emotions came crumbling down at me. My heart is torn apart. I am able to relate every little thing from my daily life to the Holy Father. I find myself wandering pointlessly; walking to the subway, not remembering where I am going, where to get on and off. As i walked to school today it seemed to me that I was the only person in this crazy city that cared. People looking at me, my eyes teary, heartbroken, and unable to express it all in one sentence. It's hard, very hard. And I imagine that it's going to be even harder in the future.


Heaven must have sent you from above
Heaven must have sent your precious love

And I, I've got a song to sing
Tellin' the world about the joy you bring
And you gave me a reason for livin'
And ooo, you taught me, you taught me the meaning of givin'

To find a love like yours is rare these days
'Cause you've shown me happiness, yes, in so many ways
I look in the mirror, and I'm glad to see
Laughter in the eyes where tears used to be

What you've given me I could never return
'Cause there's so much, I have yet to learn
And I wanna show, I wanna show my appreciation
'Cause when I found you, I found a new inspiration
--- Your Precious Love - Marvin Gaye