przywiozlam sobie zielona ksiazke z domu z dedykacja
smutne to, ze nie mozemy pokonwersowac

jednakze natknelam sie na cos ciekawego

ABOUT READING CORTAZAR

I've never had this thing in my life...
I would compare it to this situation we all know. When you sit in the classroom and the teacher asks something and everybody's thinking for 5 minutes or so.
And then... you know it suddenly! You rise your hand but a second before someone else had done it. So you fail. You listen to his/her words like to the words of your own. It hurts, really.
Or deja vu... It's something like that.
I read him and I think "Holy shit! It's about me". It's so totally me that I can't read it. I could believe if someone gave these things to me and said "I found it in your notes". "Yes", I'd think. "Yes, I could've written it when I was drunk/in a fatal depression..."
Moreover, what he writes, is often like a bad dream. One word can describe him as a whole: ANXIETY. Horrible anxiety that you feel only in the middle of your nightmares. So reading him is often like dreaming a nightmare. You shoud stop, but you can't. Even one single thing from there can influence you very strongly, hit you directly in your head. It will hurt, it will be impossible to forget what you'd read. It will become a part of you, but not an integral part, rather hanging somewhere from your body, like the third arm.
But a dead one.
Some things of him I just couldn't read. It was hard not to do it but it'd be harder to read... I have enough extra dead arms hanging from my body.


tak
Cortazar w pewnym sensie jest moja samospelniajaca sie przepowiednia, nie tyle co zycie ze man gra, co ja chce grac z zyciem i samo z cala premedytacja, z calym swoim zapalczywym egocentyzmem wywoluje pewne sytuacje

tylko po to, zeby potem je przyszpilac, zeby moc je nazywac, opisywac i wklejac

klasyfikowac
dodawac parafki

tak, zawsze musze miec te zycie cholernie sklastrowane, ulozone, oprawione, zapchane, wypelnione planem, kazda sekunda musi miec znaczenie


a gdzie spontanicznosc?


kofeina w nadmiarze i amfetamina w umiarze
nasza doroslosc chwilowo opuscial nas